This blog entry isn’t related to travel. Actually, it is. I was going to say that it indirectly relates to travel, but that would be a lie. This issue directly relates to my travels, and probably to the travels of many women. The issue I’m talking about is harassment and rape culture. I’ll get to how it relates to my life (and travels) later, but first let me tell you why I felt compelled to write about this subject in the first place. I recently read Emily Heist Moss’ article "A Letter To The Guy Who Harassed Me Outside The Bar" (http://www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2012-12-a-letter-to-the-guy-who-harrassed-me-outside-the-bar). I have seen link after link and read countless articles about rape culture. Maybe I had finally read one too many blogs and news articles to sit back and quietly agree, or maybe Moss phrased her letter in a way that I related to especially well. Whatever it was, after reading Moss’ work I decided I needed to write an article of my own. This is saying a lot, because I avoid conflict as much as possible. I don’t like saying anything that could make people mad or cause an argument. Some things, however, are just too personal and too important. Some things are worth fighting for. You really should read Moss’ article (it isn’t that long, I promise), but if you don’t feel like reading the whole thing let me at least share my favorite paragraph: So what? You say. So you get a lot of attention, why is that such a bad thing? Annoying, maybe, but no harm, no foul! You know you mean no harm, but how do I know that? When women get harassed on the street, or at a bar, or on their walk home from work, do you know what we think? We wonder, am I going to get out of this safely? Am I going to walk away from this? Where are my keys if I need to stab someone in the eye? Are there people on the street? Will they hear me? Which way will I run? Solar Plexus, Instep, Nose, Groin. I’m exaggerating, but only so slightly. Does it disturb you that we think like this? That we have to think like this? I understand what she is saying. I have been that girl, and I have shared those feelings. Every time I walk to my car at night after work I have my keys ready—not just to open my car door, but also to have as a weapon if necessary. I am on constant guard. Is it a bit paranoid? Yes. But this is the culture we (unfortunately) live in. How does this relate to travel? I have to constantly deal with men while traveling alone, especially as the “American girl,” which does carry a strong stereotype. Where it became most noticeable was in Italy. Everyone says men in Italy are especially forward and pushy, but that it is just cultural and not to pay much attention to it. Did I have to worry about rape when I walked down the street in Italy? Probably not, at least not any more than when I’m walking down the street at home or at school. The average man calling "ciao" as I passed by didn’t intend for it to be offensive or an attack. Yet I couldn’t walk down the street alone without feeling uneasy. I shared Moss’ feeling of “so this is how it [rape] happens.” There have been multiple occasions where on some level I was worried that I was at risk of being raped. I never was really at risk, and thankfully it never happened. But the fact that I felt that risk—on any level—is not acceptable. I can list countless occasions of harassment. In Germany I had a man sit next to me on a practically empty subway car. At 4am. I, being the person I am, was polite to him. At least, I was at first. When he asked if he could know who I was told him as firmly as I could muster “no” and then stared at my iPod, pretending to be busy, and hoping he would leave me alone or go away. Eventually he did, but that wasn’t the only time I’ve found myself in such a situation. I’ve been victim to men in their mid-40’s catcalling me and my friends on the streets of New York, pinching or smacking my ass at clubs or school dances, meowing at me (ok, I was dressed as a cat, but still), honking as they drive by, and calling out “nice tits!” But the worst might be the man who stopped his car in the middle of the road and then waved me over to it. Seriously? Has that EVER worked for you? Sorry, I jumped the gun on that; I do have a worse story. One time freshman year I was walking back to my dorm, alone, around 1am. Behind me was a group of ten (or so) very drunk guys. I heard them say “Man, she’s just asking for it walking alone.” I have never felt more endangered and been more enraged in my life. I wanted to turn around and punch whoever said it, but I was so scared for my safety that I just kept walking—mind you I walked a little bit faster, kept an eye on the group behind me, and stuck to well lit paths. As terrible as it is, there have been times I felt I almost deserved the unwanted attention. Was I asking for it, walking alone? On that occasion, and others, I felt like I put myself in a situation where I was at risk, and therefore it was my fault; which brings me back to Moss’ article. Do you want to know the saddest part? When I started this essay describing my Friday night, I almost included descriptions of what my roommate and I were wearing. I almost mentioned that we were casually dressed, that our clothes weren't revealing, that neither of us was drunk. I almost fell into the trap of proving to you how undeserving we were of harassment and I'm embarrassed to admit that to you now. That's how easy it is to go into victim mode, how easy it is to absorb the lesson that you are somehow responsible for unwanted attention, for harassment, even for assault. When I was meowed at I was dressed as a cat for Halloween. Did I deserve to be made uncomfortable for dressing attractively? I had a leotard, skirt, tights, and boots on. It wasn’t extremely revealing, yet after being meowed at multiple times I started to question myself and my decisions. Was I asking for it? Should I have worn more, like a sweater maybe? Opted for the jeans instead of the skirt and tights? Not put on make up? What did I do wrong? Did I deserve to feel objectified and unsafe?
Women are forced to walk a line—a line between being feminine and putting up a wall. If you are too mean then you aren’t being feminine. If you aren’t mean enough then you are asking for it. Victoria’s Secret is sexy and desirable, but sexuality is taboo. These are some of the conceptions of women and sexuality. Yet even writing them I feel like I am reinforcing them. No one deserves to be harassed or assaulted. Maybe I’m just re-writing what has already been written elsewhere (and has been written much more eloquently, I’m sure). I’m not a scholar on the issue. I’ve never even taken a women’s studies course. The only qualification I have is personal experience. But this discussion needs to be happening, and that means involving everyone, not just academics and feminists (nothing against them at all, they are crucial contributors to this topic). This is just one blog entry and one opinion among many, and maybe it won’t make any difference. Most likely the only people who will read this are my friends and family, but maybe someone else out there will see it. Maybe, just maybe, it will start a discussion between two people, or make someone read Moss’ article. Rape culture is a major issue—an issue that needs to be confronted. Yet I have no idea how to go about confronting it. There is no quick fix to this problem. We can’t pass a law that will make harassment and assault magically go away. At the end of the day this is a call to action without any plan of action. I’m sorry that I don’t have more to offer than my opinion. I’m sorry that I don’t have a solution. Believe me, if I did then I wouldn’t be writing this, I would just go ahead and fix the problem. To be honest I’m not completely sure why I did decide to write this. I won’t be able to walk down the street at night any more comfortably now than I was able to yesterday or the day before. I’m not changing anything by reiterating what Moss and so many others have said. I guess my only concrete reason is that at the age of 20 I have had too many men put me in uncomfortable situations and I need to contribute to the discussion, no matter how small of a contribution it may be.
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Claire AngelineI am traveling the world from October 2017-October 2018, and the plan is to visit all seven continents. I'm a vegetarian foodie, a baker, a dance enthusiast, a nonprofit co-founder, and a huge travel addict. When I'm not traveling I'm putting my MPH to good use and doing public health research. Archives
September 2016
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